A different look at science and the periodic table

Sitting in your laboratory, bored and needing stimulation but also needing to look busy? A cruise around the science section of uncyclopedia may be in order.

This ‘take-off’ of wikipedia is an “encyclopedia full of misinformation and utter lies. You might say it puts the ‘psych!’ in ‘encyclopedia’.” It should not be confused with Unicyclopedia - the official encyclopedia of unicycles - which has all the information on unicycles that you will (n)ever need. (But if you ever need any more, you can just add it because it's a wiki.)

The periodic table according to uncyclopedia

The modern periodic table is an 'eni meeni mini mo' method of displaying made-up names of different atoms and was invented in 1974 by Mendeleev, a science teacher in Wellington, New Zealand. (On a related note, Mendeleev also insists he invented the Occasional Table, but this claim occasionally goes into great dispute.) Scientists think that the Periodic Table contains 118 elements but we all really know that it contains only Water, Earth, Fire and Air. Other new-age scientists have come up with a new table containing five elements, namely, Metal, Wood, Water, Fire and Earth. Some scientists argue that rhubarb should be added to the former list, claiming that it is of equal importance to the other named elements.

The real Periodic Table of the Elements is rarely ever used in modern science, because it includes a grue, which eats any and all onlookers, hence the bloody hand. Do not print this image, or the grue will come alive. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

Today, the Periodic Table contains elements including Polonium, Bohrium, Obamium and Opium.

It is used widely in schools to torture students by making them memorise each and every single element. Students retaliated by making the Study Table, Teacher's Table, Dining Table and of course, the Computer Table. The table serves another function as a multipurpose function of dining, studying and drawing.

The current measurement is one Mole. The measurement was invented by Austin Powers during Goldmember when he saw that one mole has this much atoms.

Okay, now it’s time to either get back to work or to have a little visit to the totally useless, but riveting, site.